LONG DISTANCE
TIPS & TRICKS
FROM EVERYONE
Long distance is no easy feat. But, it can be one of the most rewarding challenges of your relationship. Russ and I will be the first to step up and say that loving someone far away in no way lives up to loving someone in real life. However, if you know it's just a season in your relationship and that you want to fight for this person, do it! We did long distance (Colorado to Ohio) throughout college and we live to tell the story. Here's what we learned from long distance and what our closest friends, who've been through it say as well.
What advice do You and russ have after doing long distance for 3 years?
Don't be jealous. I know it sounds difficult, but in long distance it will really just lead to fights and trust issues quickly. Remember how much you love and trust who you are with and know they will make the right choice.
Communicate when it makes sense. Don't force talking upon someone if they are busy, tired, frustrated, etc., the second long distance becomes a "task" is the second it gets a whole lot harder.
Take long distance as an opportunity to really get to know your significant other deeply. You might not get the physical aspect of the relationship or the joy of constantly being with each other, but you get to talk A LOT. Take it as a chance to ask questions, tell stories, support them and lean on them. Russ and I talked more than I can explain, but I think through that we have a friendship not a lot of people have in year 6. Knowing each other deeply will really help with the transition from long distance to being by each other and all the ups and downs that come with that.
Long distance is hard. Only do it if the person and situation are right. If you’re going for it, here are my top 3 tips:
Long distance relationships are all about trust. This is true in all relationships, but the distance really puts a point on it. Jealousy is a cancer to long distance relationships. If you can’t give your S.O. space and trust they won’t abuse it, your relationship might have a hard time flourishing.
Communicate efficiently. Talking too much is just as likely to derail a long distance relationship as talking too little. Figure out the type and frequency of communication that each person needs, and stick to it.
Voice your opinions. It’s much easier to sweep your disagreements under the rug when you’re long distance. Make sure you text/speak your mind with your long distance S.O. the same way you would if you were actually on the couch with them.
Guys #1 tips
Just because you send a text, email, whatever, don’t expect an immediate response. I think that was one of the issues I had during my long distance relationship. It’s like even though I KNEW there was a crazy time difference, I’d still sit around like a dope and expect a speedy response.
I would say keeping communication throughout the day! 2 or 3 calls throughout the course of the day goes a long way and is way more productive than texting.
Saying you can’t make long distance work is an excuse
Don’t be in a hurry! Slowing down will help you enjoy the view more while conserving energy for the long haul.
Always plan out when you’re going to see each other next so you have something to look forward to. Never have a time where you don’t know when you’ll see each other or you’ll really feel the separation
People stress way too much about long distance. If it’s with the right person at the right time it’ll just work. Long distance for any significant length of time is just something that’s gonna suck. Prioritize yourself during that time. Figure out where you’re going in life and work to make yourself a better person. If it’s meant to be, or if you both care enough and understand the situation then it’ll all work out in the end.
Visit each other! (If you can) and don’t make each other slaves to their phones
I would say the biggest thing is communication and trust you have to communicate with your partner about what’s going on in your life and you have to trust them in order to give them freedom
There needs to be a healthy cadence of conversation, but not a constant flurry. The absence makes you appreciate them, as opposed to checking in every 5 seconds
Don’t be jealous!
 I’d say my number one tip is to put the extra effort into the little things. No matter if you’re starting out in distance or going into distance. Random acts of kindness like sending a letter, a picture, a care package, a FaceTime date, whatever it may be can go a long ways to show that person you care. I would find out what their love language is (from that love languages book) and direct your random acts of kindness towards whatever their love language is. Get creative with it and have fun with it. Remember the reason you want started a relationship with them and continue to grow with them through the adversity.
Girls #1 TIPS
Ignore anyone who tries to make you question or doubt the trust you have in your relationship. They are not the ones in your shoes and are not part of your relationship. People are so quick to judge and make comments like “how can you trust him to go out when you aren’t there” or “oh you’re long distance so you both are free to also see other people while you aren’t in the same city together right?” And other snide comments like that. Just ignore it!
My number 1 tip of alllll time is communication. I think this benefits every other area of the relationship mostly regarding trust and effort for each other!!
Always make time to ask about the person’s day no matter how busy you are or tired you are. Also, remember to tell your S/O you’re proud of how hard they are working to build a future for your family and that it doesn’t go unnoticed!
Consistent communication and trust is key!
Always have a trip planned/always know when you will see each other next!
Top tip would probably be to communicate openly, but don’t feel like you have to be in touch constantly. There was definitely a period where we were messaging all day every day for 2 weeks and it exhausted both of us. Also, just because you’re apart doesn’t mean you can’t do stuff for each other. We’d order food on Grubhub or Doordash for each other and then have a dinner date over Skype. It was goofy but kinda nice to do something similar to an actual date.
Communication but also prioritizing quality of talking over quantity
Take advantage of that extra “me time” that comes with distance. I feel like a lot of times in relationships we are focused on being happy WITH the other person. Or making that other person happy constantly. But at the end of the day you need to love yourself before anyone else can. So take the extra time to focus on YOU…find a new fun hobby, paint your nails, spend more time with friends and family, get into your own groove, etc. At the end of the day it will only help your relationship as well.
Try to always have a plan on when you are going to see each other next. If you have something to look forward to then it makes the time go quicker and I honestly believe you will bicker less because you see the light at the end of the tunnel
Communication is key. It’s hard enough being apart but if you aren’t communicating what you are feeling/thinking/what’s are your mind, you will just end up frustrated with each other and feel more disconnected than ever
Definitely communication and trust are the most important aspects. I 100% believe if it’s meant to be and both parties want it, it will work out. We made a point to talk every night on the phone at the same time if possible and tried to see each other as much as possible. We had a routine and lifted each other up when it got hard. At the end of the day distance stinks, but when you both are working towards the same goals and future that makes all the difference.
Always have your next trip planned when you say goodbye so you don’t feel like one of you is going off to serve in the Civil War.
1. Talk on the phone and FaceTime as much as you can instead of texting. It’s hard enough not being able to see each other in person to read each others body language or feel what they are feeling. So, talking and hearing their voice definitely helps. Texting often gets lost in translation and even more so things get taken out of context. So, talk and FaceTime so you can see their cute face and remind yourself why you love them so much
2. I loooovee to send personalized post cards from the app Ink Cards. They are so fun, amazing quality and such a great little gesture to brighten my boyfriend’s day. He loves when I send him one and I can choose the correct photos/text to convey how I’m feeling at the time
Be intentional with everything!
Use the distance as your strength! This will help you become independent people who choose each other rather than people who are codependent or are in convenient relationships
Try to never leave each other without the next trip planned! So that you have something to look forward too! 🙂
Being long distance at any point in a relationship gives both partners time to be more of “themself” more of the time. Sometimes the distance can hinder the formation of your intimacy and mean that certain skills take longer to develop. But, it is also a *very* important opportunity to cultivate interest in and affirm your partner’s hobbies and individuality. Ask what they’re up to, who they are spending time with, and what they’re learning about. Be partners who help one another pursue their passions with the “freedom” in time and space they have. If you encourage it now, you’ll come out of long distance being more aware of the other person’s individuality and likes/dislikes, which is essential in committed relationships.
Plan a trip to meet up in another city that you can both explore and look forward to seeing each other
My tip would literally be talk and communicate — ALWAYS
Intentional time to touch base about your days or incorporate the other into your day since you’re not together! Whether that’s texting here and there, phone call later at night, or face time dates!
I would say always have the next time you’ll see each other planned out/booked while you’re together in the same place. Never say goodbye without knowing when exactly you’ll see them next
Always put yourself in your partners shoes before jumping to any conclusions or starting a fight
Phone calls at night!!! Always touch base after a day! Schedule time in advance!
Probably letting communication happen organically! Don’t put pressure on calling each other everyday (unless that’s your thing) but just talking whenever it naturally happens!
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